On my Saturday trip to the Evil Walmart, they had three crates of perfectly ripened Haas avocados marked down to something ridiculous like 69¢.  How can you pass something like that up?  I grabbed two, a lemon, and a bag of tortilla chips.  It's time for guacamole!

Now Honey, who just doesn't know what's good, and isn't a big fan of Mexican food, has decided just from the sound of the word guacamole that it's not something he's going to like.  Well that's not going to stop me from enjoying it.  I'll just take it to work with me and share it with my friends.

I get up ten minutes earlier and make the guacamole:

Guacamole

1. 2 Haas Avocados-skin black and  flesh yielding when gently squeezed.   Remove flesh and put into a small bowl.
2. Lemon-add one squeeze (about 1 Tbsp.)
   
3. Hot sauce-Tobasco or something similar, add one or two shots/squirts (about 1/2 to 1 tsp.)
4. Take a spoon or fork and coarsely mash the above three ingredients.
   
5. Onion-minced fine (about 2 to 3 Tbsp.)  I like mine oniony.
6. Tomato-small dice (about 2 to 3 Tbsp.)
7. A couple shakes of salt and pepper.
8. Mix it all together until just incorporated.   Keep it chunky don't turn it to liquid.
9. Cover with plastic wrap.  Actually put the plastic wrap against the guacamole so there is no air getting to the guacamole.  This keeps it from turning brown.  Refrigerate until chilled, an hour or two.
10. Serve with corn chips.

I take this concoction to work where I know we will be fighting over who got more.  At one point I'm dipping my chip when it breaks and my index finger becomes covered in the beautiful greenness.  I'm going to lick the guacamole off my finger when I'm suddenly struck with the urge to take a little detour a bit farther north to my nose.  As we are all laughing to the verge of snorts at my immaturity, the girl reading the Horoscopes asks, "what's your sign, Catty?"  I tell her, "Cancer.  What's my day looking like?"

She reads:

Others could look to you to determine what is acceptable under the circumstances.  Others might toss many ideas on the table.  Tonight:  A must appearance.  Four stars.

Maybe I should read first, then act accordingly.  Maybe I should just skip it altogether.  Maybe there was an omission in the prediction.  Add not in between is and acceptable in the first sentence.  Second sentence, replace ideas with half digested stomach contents.  There, that's more like it.

tags: food  dips  guacamole  tortilla chips  avocado  jokes  humor  inappropriate  horoscopes  predictions  

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