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Pillow Fight!!!
In addition to the crab stuffed Tilapia I made for Friday the 13th, the other part of my non-Valentine surprise was to get us a few new bed pillows. Because I didn't want to be accused of showering my darling Honey with Valentines gifts, I set out to the mall Monday morning with my bank card, the sales papers, and my gal pal (might as well have company while you do a couple laps around the mall and shop at the same time).
I traded the new pillows into the pillow cases of the old pillows and hid the old pillows to make it a real surprise. He was surprised alright but not in the way I was hoping. He fidgeted for fifteen minutes punching the new pillows. He flopping from side to side on the bed. Finally, he glared at me demanding to know what was wrong with the pillows. I got all defensive and snottily replied, "there isn't ANYTHING WRONG with the pillows. They are new. Surprise!" He threw the pillows across the room to the floor then stalked to the other room for the pillows from the extra bed. The old FLAT pillows from the extra bed. Two of them. Then he dropped them onto the bed and grumbled, "I don't know why you do this. I hate new pillows. I like the flat old pillows. You should take them back."
At this point I suspect he has seen the old pillows hidden in the closet and he has decided to be difficult. Really, he doesn't complain and carry on when we go to a hotel and all there are are puffy soft pillows. He certainly doesn't go searching in our host's pillow collections when we stay at someone's house. He doesn't even bring one of his nasty flat pillows for his own comfort when we travel.
I'm ticking mentally through my options to press my point. Lets try the guilt route. I explain that I did a LOT of research to pick the perfect pillow for how he likes to sleep. There is a vast amount of complex scientific data (he hates science) that goes into pillow research. I didn't mention that the scope of all my research involved reading a small placard in the bedding section of the department store that suggested soft to medium pillows for stomach and side sleepers, and medium to firm pillows for side and back sleepers. He does all three so I got one of the soft medium pillows and one of the medium firm pillows. I only do side and stomach sleeping but I got the same thing for myself figuring I might need something firmer for propping while TV watching. He didn't care. He again suggested I return them because he was keeping his flat pillows.
I moved to the thrift/guilt angle explaining they were on sale for buy one at the regular price and get the second for one dollar. I was going to lose money if I returned the pillows. Ignoring the 1/2 off I probably would have received through returning them, I tried to reason (with him) that the store would insist the returned pillows were the dollar pillows. I would try going for the regular price return but they probably wouldn't go for it. He gave me the "you have got to be kidding me" look and said, "why would you want a new pillow when it took so long for them to become the perfect flat pillow? Look at these pillows, there is nothing wrong with them."
It was time to pull out the big guns. I was going to stoop to the gross out angle to point out what was wrong with his flat pillows. For those of you with week stomachs, you may want to skip this paragraph. "Those pillows are YEARS old," I explained. Then I asked him what he thought those yucky yellow stains were on the pillow protecting covers and the pillow fabric underneath. I conveniently didn't mention that I regularly washed the pillow protectors and occasionally washed the pillows themselves as my prowess in the laundering arena wouldn't be a very convincing argument to the pillows cleanliness, and which was counterproductive to my argument. He was insulted that I was implying that his and his son's personal hygiene were lacking in any way. I plowed through pointing out that the flat pillows were crawling with years worth of cold and flu germs. I mentioned head sweat and dream drool. He balked. HE BALKED. This from the guy who doesn't like using bar soap because the person who used it before might have left dirt on the soap. Isn't that an oxymoron? Dirty Soap? When I got to hair grease, pimple pus and ear ooze he grabbed his nasty flat pillows and went to the guest room. Oops. Did I go to far?
The next night I offered him my slightly flattened used but still new pillow. He answered me by throwing the new pillows across the room and getting the old flat pillows out of the guest room. He pointed out that I would just have to be happy knowing I would have a spare pair of pillows waiting for me when my new ones finally went flat.
Well I'm not happy. His flat pillows are going to make the bed look lopsided and I am not putting one nasty flat pillow under my new fluffy pillows. They will be contaminated!!!!
What are the criteria for selecting new pillows? Feels like laying your head on a two by four. Check. Sore ears and stiff neck. Check. Fiberfill refuses to fluff back into shape after washing and drying. Check.
I don't get it. I'll probably never get it. Maybe I should go make him something he likes to eat, out of ingredients that he hates. I'm feeling better already.
That was fun-eeeeeeeee! Try putting his 2 flat pillows on top of each
other. Maybe his two will equal your one new one so it won't look
lopsided! And then you can keep the other new one for when you want to
read in bed. Win-Win!!
Uh Catty.
Husband still sleeps with the same two pillows he had in NYC in1991. God
only know how long he had already had them then. I have since gone through
a few new pillows. Lovely, thick, feathery, luxurios pillows. He hates
them. He likes his stinky pancakes.
Mom-My two pillows puff out to about half way down the bed. His two
pathetic pillows don't even make one of mine. I've been throwing his flat
pillows onto the hamper and making the bed with all new pillows that way it
looks nice and even.
Back in the day when I was lucky enough to have a bed partner because we
would "spoon' and I would put my arm under her pillow and that;s the way we
would go to sleep. One night I woke up to see her pounding on the pillow to
fluff it with my arm taking most of the punishment.
I have thrown up the white flag. Surrender was the only way. But I do
sneak the pillows into the washing machine now and then. When the pillows
come out smelling so nice I tell him it's new fabric softener on the cases.
My wife & I had an argument this AM re: sleeping arrangements, pillows, and
the comforter, on our bed. I like my 2 pillows, and like to have the
comforter up to my chin, a childhood fear of vampires is responsible. She
likes to have the comforter up to the middle of her chest, and doesn't like
being to snug, as I do life being snug! And with our current jobs, we
barely spend anytime in bed . . . C'est la Vie? Hoping al is well with you
and yours!
The one problem I have with new pillows is getting the stiff neck. It was
surprising to find out the different types of pillow - firm, medium firm,
medium, soft, etc. The prices of new pillows surprised me. A pillow was
always just a pillow. But $25, not on sale seems a bit much.
JWL-That will teach you to encroach. Thanks for reminding me all about the
dust mites and such. That one slipped my mind.